


This is awkward

by Moonprincess92



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkwardness, Blind Date, Dating, Exes, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 06:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11915586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonprincess92/pseuds/Moonprincess92
Summary: "I am going to murder you," Jyn growled the second Shara Bey answered the phone.(AKA: a “we’re exes who got accidentally set up on a blind date, fuck my life” au)





	This is awkward

“I am going to murder you,” Jyn growled the second Shara Bey answered the phone.

“Honey, you’ve been trying to do that for years,” her work colleague said at once. “C’mon, surely the date’s not going THAT badly?”

She laughed without humour. 

“Yeah, of the millions of people in all of London, you have somehow managed to set me up with my ex from two years ago.”

Shara, far from being the sympathetic best friend she was supposed to be, just burst out into raucous laughter.

“Oh my god,” she spluttered.

“OH MY GOD SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.” 

There’s honestly only so many things in life that you can prepare yourself for, and suddenly being faced with the man you dated and then spectacularly broke up with was definitely not one of them. Jyn had been anxious enough as it was over this night ( _how_ she’d let herself get talked into a blind date, she’d never know) and approaching the place only to see him waiting outside just like Shara had said her date would be had been enough to make her want to vomit.

 _There’s no bloody way,_  she’d thought desperately.

Turns out there’d been a LOT of way.

“Ok, ok, slow down, explain to me what’s happening,” Shara was naturally still laughing. “Where are you calling me from?”

“The restaurant bathroom. I might’ve been in here for at least ten minutes now.”

“Jesus Christ.” 

“See, THIS is why you say the name of the person you’re setting me up with!” Jyn added in indignation. It wasn’t as if Cassian was a common name, one Facebook search would have been more than enough to confirm her suspicions. They could have avoided all of this! 

But  _nooooooo_.

“You would have Googled the guy and chickened out, and you know it.”

“OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SAY HE’S MY EX?”

Shara snorted, but carried on. “You would have done it with anyone though, trust me. I know you too well, babe.”

“Clearly not if you didn’t even know that your husband’s cousin once dated me!”

“Oh, come on who would EVER know that? You know what, who cares, that’s hardly the most important point of this conversation,” She could imagine Shara perfectly, snuggled up at home under a blanket with a tray of chicken wings, phone on speaker next to her, while Kes just scoffed at his wife in the background. She was enjoying every second of this and Jyn was going to make her pay one of these days. “What really matters are the deets! C’mon Jyn, tell me all about it. How did you meet? When did you meet? Was it serious?”

Jyn groaned, but glanced up at herself in the bathroom mirror. She was flushed and watery-eyed, counter-acting all the meticulous efforts she’d made to make herself look even somewhat presentable tonight. Jyn wasn’t exactly what one could call fashion-forward, which usually meant that on her best days, she might actually change into a clean t-shirt. At her worst, she’d be wearing the same pair of jeans every day for three weeks. But she’d actually made an effort tonight. She’d dragged a brush through her tangled hair, put on decent underwear and even worn clean jeans, which was nothing less than a miracle in itself.

God, to think she’d actually been willing to try this time.

“We met at a wedding,” she admitted. “Han and Leia, three years ago. We fell quickly, it got pretty serious. We never lived together or anything, but we were in love and were together about a year.”

“Why’d you break up?” Shara asked, clearly on the edge of her seat.

Jyn closed her eyes. “Lack of communication, mostly.”

“Gee, why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“It’s HARD, ok?” Jyn whined. “I’m not … you know I’m not good with the whole relationship thing, it’s how I ended up agreeing to this insanity in the first place! We didn’t mean for it to all fall apart, it just …”

“Did?”

“How do I do this?” Jyn groaned, rubbing her eyes warily and not even caring about the make-up that might be smudged. “Shit, who am I kidding, I can’t do this at all, Shara you HAVE to come get me.”

“ _Fiiiine_ ,” Shara sighed. “Make your excuses, I’ll pick you up at the Tesco’s down the road, ok?”

“You so owe me for this, bitch.”

“Love you too, bitch.”

Finally hanging up, Jyn realised that judging by the length of the conversation, she had to have been hiding in this bathroom for at least fifteen minutes. If Cassian hadn’t thought she’d left already, then he certainly would be soon. 

She made a frustrated sound at her reflection. She wasn’t actually sure if she even could walk out on him again. 

It had been a couple months’ worth of deterioration before they’d actually broken up, which of course just made this _so much better_. They’d stubbornly refused to talk about anything to do with how serious they were getting and how terrified of it they were, to the point where they’d begun to freeze each other out. Nights had been filled with passive-aggressive silence and clingy kisses until finally, a bitter argument had resulted in them mutually deciding it was probably better to just end it. 

They honestly hadn’t seen each other since.

( _If she was telling the truth no, of course she hadn’t WANTED to break up, but what else could they have done?_ ).

She stared hard at the woman in the mirror. But maybe… just maybe, this entire catastrophe wasn’t as bad as she was making it out to be. Maybe it was a chance to get closure? She didn’t want to re-hash the past, but there was a reason she’d spent the last two years single and maybe this could be good for both of them. Like a facial cleanse! Or, you know, whatever the hell it was that Shara insisted was an essential part of any decent skin care routine. 

Jyn gritted her teeth and shoved her phone back into her jacket pocket. Then, she turned and strode determinedly out of the bathroom door.

He was still where she’d last left him, at their table that they’d occupied together for all but two minutes before she’d bailed. He was texting someone furiously, only slammed the phone down when she approached. His shirt collar was a little askew, his hair slightly longer than she remembered, and hell, blind dates were awkward enough when you  _hadn’t_ seen your date naked before. 

It hurt to even look at him. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, bluntly. “I didn’t really need the bathroom.”

“I figured.”

There was a slight edge to his tone, but at least his face was still soft. It had been scruffy and unkempt two years ago and it still was, only now there was at least some control in it. He looked... good. A making her want to panic kind of good. Hell, there was really no telling what - or who - he’d been doing over the last two years and a part of her was scared to find out, but being scared was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place.

It was time to harden up.

“You know, I’ve discovered that I’m really not hungry anymore,” she mentioned, gripping hard onto the back of her chair in front of her. “You?”

He stood immediately. “Read my mind.” 

They left together, hands awkwardly jammed into pockets and trying not to brush elbows. They walked in utter silence, and it was hard to imagine that there’d been a point in time when they’d talked about literally anything. Conversation had always been easy, natural to them; shit, it had only taken several sentences back at Han and Leia’s wedding to get her interest piqued. By the end of the night, they’d been kissing furiously against the wall next to the table of wedding gifts. Connections like that just didn’t happen that often.

( _She still remembered that first morning after, laughing nervously when they’d woken up together. She remembered the first few weeks of tumbling into bed with him, of holding hands unashamedly in front of their mutual friends and kissing necks in stolen corners. She sometimes felt the ghost of his fingers digging into her hips on nights she got lonely and she would admit that occasionally she was tempted to text the number she still hadn’t deleted from her phone…_ ) 

God, this was a nightmare. 

“Look, Jyn,” Cassian suddenly stopped in the middle of the footpath. City goers darted around them in irritation as he said, “I’m sorry, I had no idea–”  

“I didn’t either–” Jyn quickly added.

“Shara just said you were a work colleague of hers and that she thought we would get along well,” he started to ramble slightly. “She said your name was Jyn, but I swear I thought she was talking about someone called Ginny who apparently works in the marketing department according to Facebook and–”

“It’s fine,” Jyn held up a hand before he could say anymore. “Honestly, Cassian.” 

“I… I don’t know what you want to do from here,” he muttered. “but, um…”

He spoke to the ground, scuffing his boots. 

“If you wanted,” She forced herself to get the words out before she lost her cool. “we could just grab a drink or something. Talk … or, or something …”

She winced at the lack of confidence in her voice, but he brightened a little. “That might be good,” he said.

“Yeah, only … we’ve never really spoken since we last saw each other, so it might …”

“Be a good thing.”

“Exactly?” 

He attempted a smile. 

After hastily texting Shara to actually hold on picking her up after all (and subsequently ignoring the dozens of ‘ _what the hell is going on?!_ ’ messages that followed) they ended up at an old haunt. The pub used to be a favourite of theirs, only Jyn hadn’t been there in years thanks to the possibility of running into him. They weren’t at a preferred table, but one in the window that was better somehow anyway. 

Their awkwardness thankfully started to slowly fade as they sat in the light from the street lamps outside. They spoke tentatively about their lives, about Jyn working with Shara and whatever Cassian’s weird friend Kay was up to these days. They made fun of the lastest pop music blasting from the pub speakers and about the trip he’d taken back home to Mexico last year. He spoke earnestly and she did her best to reciprocate. Occasionally their feet bumped into each other and she noticed that their hands were inching closer and closer the more time went by, but she didn’t know what she wanted from here. She didn’t know how to go forward or make things better… 

“Cassian,” she eventually sighed. “someone has to say it before the night is over. Why did we break up?”

He was apparently brought up short at that. He let out a breath, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, guess we had to talk about it sometime,” He frowned into his drink. “Why do you think we broke up?”

“I asked you first!”

“Fine,” Cassian looked straight at her. “You were a raging bitch.”

“Wow,” Jyn scoffed. “don’t hold back or anything.”

“Well, you were.”

“Only because you were being moody and distant as hell,” she pointed out. 

“You wouldn’t talk to me, what did you expect?” Cassian grumbled.

“I wouldn’t talk? YOU were the one who freaked out whenever Leia joked about us getting married someday.”

“Like that didn’t scare you either–”

“Of course it scared me!” Jyn slammed a hand down onto the table between them. “Cassian, I’d never been in such a serious relationship before and I was realising that I might actually want all those kinds of things someday! Of course I wasn’t ready to talk about any of it. Hell, everything about us was blinding, I could barely even see straight around you. What if I was just getting caught up in it all? What if it didn’t work out, what if–”

“I didn’t know you wanted those things.” 

She paused. He stared at her from across the table in wonder and disbelief, chewing his tongue like he always did when he was trying to figure something out. Her stomach was twisted into knots, but she shrugged and said,

“I didn’t either until I met you.”

They were silent a few moments. Hell, even just falling in love had been a bit of a blindside. She couldn’t explain herself then and she certainly couldn’t explain herself now. What, was she supposed to blame her oh-so-tragic childhood with divorced parents and a million trust issues? Her inability to bring herself to like literally anyone? The reason she even had friends at all was because they’d all refused to leave her alone until eventually, she’d just given in. She was a mess on any given day, and it wasn’t exactly something to bring up when you’d just started dating someone.

But he was suddenly looking at her now like he used to do back then. 

Like he didn’t care about that at all.

“Jyn, I’ve missed you,” he said, voice raw.

She swallowed a lump in her throat.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“One thing I'm still trying to figure out is why you agreed to get set up in the first place,” he added. 

“Figured it was high time to get off my arse and over you,” Jyn shrugged.

He snorted with laughter. “Same.”

“Clearly that plan worked out for us then, huh?”

“ _Jyn_ …” She felt it shiver down her spine. Those idealistic days of smiling into kisses, arguing over which T.V. shows were going to get another season, falling asleep together and dancing in the kitchen wearing nothing but socks, they all flashed through her mind within that one second it took him to say her name.

No one had said it like that in years. 

“Cassian,” she said back in a warning. “we can’t start something again. It ended in disaster last time, and I don’t …”  

“It doesn’t have to end in disaster.”

“Have you MET us?”

“We’re older, we’re wiser,” Cassian pointed out, leaning forward. His hand was definitely gripping hers now, having inched its way across the entire table until finally he’d given up all pretences and just taken it. “Talk to me, and I’ll talk to you. We can do it.”

“Is that what you want?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Cassian stressed. “I want you, I’ve always wanted you.”

Her heart clenched painfully. “What if we screw up?”

“Then we fix it this time,” he insisted. “Hell, we can have that conversation now if you want to, get it out of the way –  _I’m sorry, I’m still in love with you, I’d marry you tomorrow if I could_  – there,” He shrugged, but there was a brightness in his eyes that betrayed exactly how not-casual he actually was about all this. 

He meant it. Every word. 

She gripped his fingers tightly.

“I still love you, too,” she said.

He nodded. “Jyn, I’m going to leap this table and kiss you now, ok?”

“Ok.”

No one had been paying attention. There weren’t any cheers or applause from a well-entertained audience, but it still felt like there should be anyway when his lips finally met hers. They hadn’t quite jumped the table in the end, but admittedly got somewhere rather close to it as they’d instead hurtled from their seats and slammed into each other somewhere in the middle. She was almost bent over backwards from the force, Cassian’s hand twisting into in her hair. Her arms wound around his waist and there they stayed, lips slanting against each other again and again like they'd forgotten how to breathe. 

She didn’t want to ever resurface. She would drown in him, and she’d be perfectly all right with it.

* * *

Her phone buzzed late in the morning, the rattle against the bedside table enough to wake her. She rubbed her eyes warily, grabbing the damn thing and shoving it to her ear.

“What?”

“Soooo,” Shara immediately cut in. “C’mon! How’d the date go last night?”

Jyn glanced over to where Cassian was sleeping soundly next to her. She raised a hand and stroked his cheek lightly with the backs of her fingers.

She smiled.

“Yeah, I guess you could say it went ok.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Basically how I get my ideas these days is I see a concept and go "yes yes mmmkay that bUT FOR REBELCAPTAINNN"   
> (As always, come and scream at me on tumblr, hahahaha: @moonprincess92nz)   
> Let me know if you liked it, thanks for reading!!!! I love you!!!   
> xoxo


End file.
